Koukou
by Evide
Summary: A devistating event effects Kouichi and his school life, and it continued on with him home, where Tomoko does not fully understand her son. Maybe a little tender, loving care from a welcome twin can make Kouichi feel better. soft, brothelry Koukou. Sad


So sad...(sniff)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Digimon (sob)

Based off of real-life events. Kouichi's actions and his day were based off of my own feelings, which made it easier to feel and write.

"Just know this: Even though I don't know you, or I will never meet you; even though I may never laugh with you or talk to you or kiss you, just know that I love you. With all my heart, know that I love you." --anonymous

Koukou---

It was the first time ever seeing Kouichi look this way. His shoulders slouched, his eyes never lifted, and his hair had lost its sheen, hanging down into his face lifelessly. Everything about him radiated pain and sadness and strain, so much so, it was hard _not_ to notice. But Kouichi was not one to have others worry over him, instead opting to try and make himself seem presentable and happy to all around him. This time, though, was the first time ever that Kouichi had even stopped doing that, and that was what was scary and worrying.

At school, sadness seemed to be a floating, tangible cloud, and all were either listless or red-faced. Teachers were on-edge, the entire student body was filled with gossip and whispers and then comfort. Pain and grief of one person traveled onto the next, and soon, everyone could feel the pain and sadness of only some. During the lighter times of the day, there were sometimes when the feeling was forgotten, but then the pain felt when the memory returned only hit that much harder.

The news was deafening. Everything seemed to stop the moment the information was unhooked from the speaker.

Kouichi remembered how he had felt, how class had started slowly like all mornings start. Friends were talking casually, project partners were readying their books, sleepy-headed students raising their eyes when the bell tolled to signal class. The sensei had strutted to the front of the class with the air that something was amiss, and small whispers were being exchanged. But as the teacher let loose the news, everything just... stopped.

"A Junior committed suicide last night." The sensei's voice broke, which was unheard of for the man's athleticism, and everything in the room quieted to the most silent it had ever been that whole year. "Yeah, that's the news. I had the kid last year, too. Last person you would expect, you know? Last you would expect." Everyone could tell their sensei was truly, deeply affected, just by the ashy way his voice came out. "Anyway, just go to work." He seemed to shrug the news away from him as he exited the room, leaving the dead-quiet class in his wake.

Some whispers broke out, some in denial, some questioning. No one knew about this, they were all fairly surprised, there was nothing for them to disprove this new truth... someone was dead. A student. Killed himself. Junior, from here, this school.

A student from their school had killed himself.

Class was very hard to get going, as gossip spurned on all conversation, but the students found themselves resuming work as the sensei re-entered the room to sit at the teacher's desk like normal and type away at it silently.

Kouichi's insides churned, and he didn't say a word as he also resumed into work.

The next period, the news was not as death-defiantly sudden, as the sensei just repeated what the other had said before. Only, she seemed more detached about it all. She commented that she had had the kid's older brother in her class before, but then just continued onto class in her brisk manner as always. Kouichi forgot all about it by the end of the second period.

Third hour and the blue-haired boy found himself in a daze like he usually was by then. But oddly, he was staring at his desk instead of out the window like usual. Instead of watching the life going on outside and the trees and the birds, he just watched his desk as if it was supposed to move. When there was a test shoved under his nose, he obediently got to work, dispelling his hazy daydreams to make way for mathematics. There was no room for death on his mind when he plugged in numbers on his calculator mechanically and wrote down the answers.

Lunch, and no one even remembered to mention the incident in the cafeteria. The mood was lighter, as it usualy was, and energy was back to normal. Regulatory quirkiness resumed and everyone was having irrelevant conversation, forgetting and laughing. Kouichi even laughed for the first time that day when one of his classmates picked up a carrot and licked it "suggestively", the act reminding him of IceDevimon and his days in the Digital World. He sighed then, thinking about what Kouji and Takuya and Izumi might be doing at their different schools at the moment. He wondered how Tomoki was fairing with his gym-hour run he was supposed to have today, and how far Junpei was getting in his book he was supposed to have done by 7th hour.

So Kouichi smiled and forgot, laughing as another classmate rolled his drink across the table to hit someone else in the chest, leaving a questionable wet mark there to be chuckled at by the others.

When he re-entered his classroom, two girls were red-faced with dried tears lingering on their cheeks, and another small group were talking very quietly amongst themselves in the corner. He suddenly felt a rush of saddness, and then a little embarrasment for walking in on a private moment. He took his seat, flustered, as the sensei started class and stayed on track, though understanding. Kouichi couldn't help notice that some of the class was not present, finding that the desks around him were empty. At the end of the hour, some of the students looked tired and still a little red-cheeked.

Kouichi liked his sixth hour class the most because the sensei let the class sit where they wanted instead of in alphabetical order. So the boy was clustered around a group of his classmates, some of them exchanging end-of-the-year-books with one another, against the teacher's instructions. There was a lingering saddness in him from his last hour, and his desk partner even asked what was wrong before they had to quiet down and take notes. Kouichi wasn't feeling so good when the bell rang.

The elder twin ended up sitting in the back of the classroom for his favorite subject, and the class was quiet while the sensei passed out tests and they silently got to work. The one-sided, short, review-based science exam lasted only half the hour, and ten minutes later it was corrected, and the rest of class was spent with the sensei counseling them about suicide. She felt the death of the student impacted everyone greatly, even though most of the freshmen, sophomores and seniors didn't even know the kid.

Kouichi could not have agreed more.

It was the first time ever for Tomoko to see Kouichi look this way. His shoulders slouched, his eyes were tired, his hair had lost it's shine. There seemed to be a radiating sadness around his movements; it was hard not to notice. But Kouichi was not one to have his mother worry over him, instead opting to try and make himself seem presentable and happy to her. He straightened and gave her a hello kiss with a small smile that made Tomoko pass the sadness for after-school strain. Besides, Kouichi could not stay sad for long after his twin came over. Kouji always knew what to do with Kouichi when Tomoko seemed to be stumped.

Before Kouji arrived, Kouichi slowly slumped down onto the couch Tomoko usually rested on. Her gentle eyes watched her son with love as she started a small conversation about her day. Kouichi did not seem as attentive as he usually was.

"Mom?"

"What is it dear?" Tomoko was slightly surprised. Kouichi usually didn't have to call her to get her attention or start a different topic. She became more attentive and smiled gently in encouragement.

"Did you hear the news?" He asked meekly, as if afraid to go on about it, hoping his mother already knew about it so he wouldn't have to repeat the devastation.

"What news, dear?" Tomoko asked gently.

"A kid killed himself... last night." He sighed, his hands lifelessly going to grip at his pants in an unconscious hold.

"A kid? From your school?" Tomoko worried.

"... a junior from school. I didn't know him. I think his name was Tsumeru..." He mumbled, turning his head away to stare out into nothing.

"No, I haven't heard anything. But it'll probably be all over the news tomorrow." Tomoko contemplatively picked up the newspaper on the coffee table in front of her.

"Hn..." Kouichi didn't go on, he just stared ahead

Tomoko was about to say something more, to comfort her son, to tell him something soothing, but her voice was replaced by a rasp of knocks, and instead, she announced: "Kouji's here."

Kouichi stayed in his spot while Tomoko opened the front door and received her younger son with a brilliant hug. He returned it slowly, with strong hands and then left her arms feeling flustered, brushing himself off.

"Hi, mom." He muttered with a small, self-conscious smile, then looked past her, searching for his elder brother. He saw his listless twin and entered towards him cautiously, watching his mother out of the corner of his eye when she retreated to make tea.

Kouichi's smile was shaky and troubled, and by the way he didn't seem enthusiastic about greeting him, Kouji immediately suspected something was wrong.

"There's something bothering you." Kouji said carefully, frowning when Kouichi turned a little away from him, dropping his gaze slightly. "What is it?"

Tomoko gently set the tea in front of her sons, carefully eyeing the elder twin who wouldn't look her in the eye, and then Kouji, who stared at her with confusion before looking at his brother with utmost concern.

"There seems to have been a suicide last night, committed by a Junior in Kouichi's school." Tomoko said as lightly as she could, gazing sympathetically at Kouichi who still would not look up.

Kouji's frown increased but he made no other attempts to pry, instead handing his brother a cup of tea and taking a few sips of his own, trying to let the day become a little more normal. To Kouji, being on the outside, it seemed that his brother must have known this person at least a little to be acting how he did. But his twin-bond he shared with his brother seemed to be protesting that thought. _'It... must be something different. Kouichi... what's wrong?'_ Kouji thought desperately, hoping beyond hope that his twin could confide in him at the very least. Maybe not now... maybe later.

As the day continued on, the usual routine of school work together and videogames ensued, but the whole time Kouichi kept a little more quiet and participated a little less. For dinner time, Kouichi didn't even touch his plate. By the time Kouji was getting ready to leave, Kouichi had barely spoken a whole sentance to him, and he seemed lost in a river of thoughts.

"Mom?" Kouji called out, suddenly determined.

"What is it, Kouji?" Tomoko wiped her hands and gave her younger son half her attention, while the other half was focused on Kouichi. If something were bothering Kouji, too, it would just break her heart.

"Can I stay the night, please?" He asked, his eyes not wavering and his determination solidifying when he saw the one of few of glimpses of his twin's eyes that day.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea. I'm sure your father wouldn't mind." And it was true, Kousei didn't mind the fact that Kouji liked to spend time with his brother and Mother. In fact, he seemed fairly positive about Kouji and Kouichi becoming closer, and he had never had problems with Kouji staying over. He was just as welcoming to Kouichi if he should ask to stay a night, and of course Tomoko couldn't refuse either.

Kouji nodded then and headed back towards his twin's room (more or less thier room now, since Kouichi always kept an extra futon in there anyway) and caught his brother's wrist to gently drag him there with him.

Tomoko was not disappointed when she saw the lingering traces of a smile on her elder son's lips. Yes, Kouji knew exactly what to do. Kouji always knew what to do with Kouichi while Tomoko seemed to be stumped.

"Kouichi, I can tell it's bothering you." Kouji accused as he lay down within the futon sheets. Then, rethinking his actions, the younger threw off the blankets and sat up on the bed. Kouichi only turned his back to him within his bed., feeling bad that he had seemed rude to his twin.

"I'm sorry... but it's nothing, really." Kouichi heard a strong sigh from his brother and he immediately knew that the line was too overused.

"Now I know something's really wrong. But Kouichi, I don't think it has to do with that kid... I mean, did you even know him?" Kouji asked, leaning forward slightly.

"No..."

"Then tell me what's bothering you so much." Kouji lept up from his place on the futon and sat on his brother's bed, succeeding in turning Kouichi's head towards him.

"I... I dunno... it's stupid..." Kouichi's and Kouji's hands found eachother and the younger squeezed the other's digits in soft comfort.

"I don't care. Tell me." Kouji locked gazes with his twin, reading a deep sadness and fear within his brother's blue orbs before the shorter-haired boy turned away and blinked back something that felt like tears.

"...it's stupid." Kouichi muttered, unsuccessfully trying to turn away from his brother, who stubbornly lifted the covers and slid next to him comfortingly.

"I said I don't care." Kouji countered again, brushing his fingers along Kouichi's palm soothingly. "Brother..." Kouji sighed, then tried to offer an affectionate grin. "Shall I play 20 questions with you, then?"

The small quirk of Kouichi's lips was answer enough.

"So, it is not about the kid?" A soft shake of the head. "But the problem is about the kid committing suicide, right?" A small, hesitant nod. "Are you sad?" Another small nod, were Kouichi's face contorted a little in uneasyness. "Are you scared?" Kouichi rolled into Kouji's side, his nod ending up in his brother's chest. "But you're not sad about the kid being gone... right?"

"Right..." Kouichi voice sounded light, but calm, and a little muffled through Kouji's shirt.

"So, then... you're scared of death?" Kouji guessed, and his answer came in the form of two hands wrapping around his waist in search for comfort.

"It's stupid to be sad... when I didn't know... him..." Kouichi said into Kouji's chest with some difficulty. He felt a little embarrassed and yet very relieved that his brother was there with him, and he squeezed Kouji a little more just to reassure himself.

"You know what?" Kouji's hand found itself in his twin's shorter locks, smoothing them out. "I'm scared of death, too, Kouichi."

"H-huh?" Kouichi lifted his eyes at Kouji's confession, a little saltwater leaking from their edges. Kouji's expression was neither fearful nor sad though, maybe a little nostalgia, as he looked down at his brother with care.

"Well, I'm not really afraid to die, exactly. I would readily give my life to ensure everyone's safety. But I'm just afraid that someone else might die. I was... scared when I thought you died, Kouichi." Kouji just smiled at his brother's bewildered face, as if he hadn't heard it a billion times over already.

"M-me too..." Kouichi licked his dry lips and looked down a little.

"Are you afraid to die, though, Kouichi? I mean... well, what did you see when you laid on your deathbed?" Kouji spoke hesitantly, afraid to venture too far into this territory. It was a touchy subject that the both of them didn't like to refer to, but assurance was what was needed now.

"Kouji... I wasn't afraid when I gave my life for you and the others." Kouichi said with renewed voice, looking back up and his determination and spirit returning to his eyes. "I would have done it again, too, without hesitation. I wasn't afraid because I was giving you hope and strength. But... what scares me is what comes after." Kouichi confessed, averting his gaze a little, almost as if ashamed.

"But... nothing comes after death."

"Yeah."

Kouji's eyes widened in understanding and he hugged his brother sweetly, assuring them both that they were still alive.

"There's nothing; no pain, no sadness... no thought." Kouji muttered, running his hands through his brother's hair again, starting a soothing rythm.

"Nothing... forever." Kouichi shivered hard and crumpled into Kouji's chest. "It just... scares me. All I saw... when I laid there... I saw nothing, I felt nothing... it was like a dreamless sleep. Painful dreamless sleep."

"It hurt?" Kouji asked, now a little confused.

Kouichi shook his head and shivered again. "Not... death itself... but dying and then being brought back to life. That's all..." Kouichi suddenly felt guilty for making Kouji feel bad as the younger frowned softly.

"Well, we're both here, right now, alive. We can get through the sadness, the fear." Kouji said awkwardly, shoeing away traces of his brother's tears with a slender finger.

"Hm, yeah." Kouichi looked down again, fear still lingering in his eyes.

"There isn't anything to worry about, Kouichi." Kouji reassured, and then slowly placed a comforting kiss on Kouichi's brow. "You don't need to fear anything..." and then, there was a soft echo in Kouichi's heart that was like an extra message, _I'll fight away you're fears, brother_.

"Thanks, Kouji." he smiled, the glitter in his eyes sending his own message. _Same here, brother._

"We... we were born together. And... we'll die together too." _And even when we die, our love shall last forever._

"Promise?"

"I promise."

--////--

Owari

--////--

Sad and sweet; the beginning is kinda a turn-off... only at the end do the twins really get to bond. (heart)


End file.
